YOUR HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE FOR ANY SOCIAL MEDIA OBSESSED TEENAGER

YouTubers Jack Harries and Zoe Sugg get into the Christmas spirit!

Perhaps your teenage daughter (or gay son) has developed a recent obsession with something you don’t quite understand. They spend hours on their smartphones and laptops watching videos on YouTube or Vine. They look at you like you are absolutely crazy if you, trying to be hip, ask who they like more: One Direction or Justin Bieber. And maybe most puzzling is them begging you to take them to meet and greet events where you are forced to pay $150 for them to TAKE A PICTURE with a boy who looks oddly similar to any teenager at their high school. This boy does not sing or act (much). He makes videos where he pelts his friends with pizza and trashes a hotel room then gets 3 million videos on YouTube.

WELCOME TO POP CULTURE IN 2014! Everything you thought a teen idol was supposed to be has died. Forget Tiger Beat. The real teen idols are on social media. So, if you are extremely panicked thinking about buying them a Christmas present that will truly dazzle your teenager, I have suggestions.

Odds are they do not want that new 1D “Four” CD. They want a Troye Sivan hoodie. “Who the fuck is Troye Sivan?!” you are probably asking yourself, Google open in one tab. Don’t worry about it. So long as your child is obsessively watching YouTube or VIne, odds are they already know and like him.

Just click through this gift guide and you will find all of your teen’s wildest dreams for Christmas.

Please click the red headlines for links to the merch!!

FOR THE QUIRKY, LIBERAL, POSSIBLY LESBIAN GIRL 

This year a wonderful film named Camp Takota was released by three women who your daughter will probably refer to as “The Holy Trinity”. NO, IT’S NOT GOD, JESUS AND THE HOLY SPIRIT. It’s Grace Heilbig, Hannah Hart, and Mamrie Hart: the Queens of YouTube. They starred and partially wrote this film (which is now on Netflix) and there is a wide range of merch available on the Camp Takota website. I recommend the signed poster (perfect for any girl in college who wants her friends to think she has eclectic interests).

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OR PERHAPS, she would like this very cute t-shirt which she can wear every day to show her support for these fab women:Screen Shot 2014-12-01 at 9.23.06 PM

FOR THE VERY GAY BOY WHO IS SASSY (aka me at 17) 

Troye Sivan would have literally been a lifeline for me as a teenager. He’s sweet, funny and is actually a very talented singer. I understand Troye has more girl fans than boys but I KNOW HE HAS THEM AND THEY WILL LOVE THIS GIFT (SIDE NOTE: this gift would also be appropriate for fag hags; if you suspect your daughter only hangs out with the gayz then this is a superb gift for her as well).

I RECOMMEND THIS BEAUTIFUL TRXYE SWEATSHIRT. GUARANTEED TO MAKE YOUR SON WEEP ON CHRISTMAS MORNING. JESUS WHO!?!??!

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FOR THE CHILD WHO NEEDS TO UNDERSTAND THE IMPORTANCE OF POETRY AND MODERN STORYTELLING

Glozelle is the greatest woman on the face of this earth. She is 50, a YouTube star and wears green lipstock. SHE’S FUCKING BRILLIANT. I LOVE HER SO MUCH. This year at Playlist Live she did an impromptu book signing for her new book of POETRY and inspirational stories. Can Glozelle write? I have no idea. But she did an amazing Cinnamon challenge video and I fully believe she can do anything she sets her mind to.

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FOR THE GIRL WHO IS GLAM AND LOVES MAKE-UP A LITTLE TOO MUCH

Zoella is a British beauty guru who is obsessed with style hauls and make-up tutorials. She has millions of fans and is dating one of the most crushworthy boys on YouTube, Alfie Deyes. As a result, GIRLS LOVE HER. She is like an older sister to everyone and if your daughter loves make-up, odds are she will kill for any of this. Who doesn’t love this amazing HAMSTER COSMETIC BAG?!

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FOR THE GIRL OR BOY WHO WANTS AN ALL AMERICAN BOYFRIEND, WHO IS POSSIBLY OFFENSIVE, BUT ALWAYS CUTE

I give you: Cameron Dallas and Nash Grier merchandise. Cameron Dallas and Nash Grier are famous for essentially being themselves (and for Nash Grier being extremely offensive and saying some terrible things your daughter has more than likely forgiven him for. Ah, young love). PERSONALLY, I would support Cameron over Nash (because he is actually, you know, kind and humble) but your daughter will have her alliances and if you buy for the wrong alliance she will MURDER YOU. SO I suggest you ask her politely who’s girl she is.

THIS CREW-NECK IS VERY VERY CUTEScreen Shot 2014-12-01 at 9.49.32 PM

Nash girls (as they like to be called) appear to love these hoodies but personally I would be a little bothered by my child being the property of someone who is a) 17 b) sexist/ seemingly homophobic c) not old enough to vote anD CERTAINLY NOT OLD ENOUGH TO OWN MY CHILD Screen Shot 2014-12-01 at 9.53.15 PM

But to each his own.

FOR THE CHILD WHO HAS A LITTLE TOO MUCH *ENERGY*

Alfie Deyes is a very spastic, hyper YouTuber who makes videos of lists, collaborations and challenges. He appears to a very certain demographic and his book is the exact same way. It is a book much like Wreck This Journal and is for the reader to, as the publisher states, “bake a cake in a mug.” You know if your child will like this.

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FOR THE HIP TEEN WHO LIKES INDIE MUSIC 

Shawn Mendes was discovered on Vine. He’s sixteen and just bright as can be. He’s essentially a young John Mayer and, yes, he actually does have talent. His merch is also pretty cool, although a bit pricy. You may not find spending $50 on a jersey worth it, but do you really want to let your kid down at CHRISTMAS?

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AND FINALLY FOR YOUR CHILD WHO LIKES WEIRD ASS SINGERS YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND

Miranda Sings was created by the internet and even I don’t truly understand her. She is a special breed of crazy, and is literally a Saturday Night Live character brought to life. But many, many people LOVE HER. Your child could be one. I suggest buying them this truly scary shirt that features Miranda as the sassy girl emoji. She/ he will love it.

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AND THAT ABOUT WRAPS IT UP! No pun intended, for real. If I left anything out, please leave it in the comments. I hope this helps anyone in need of gifts or perhaps in need of a gift list to send to their family.

Happy holidays and all that lovely stuff. I’ll have more holiday posts as we near closer to the reason for the season~

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4 thoughts on “YOUR HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE FOR ANY SOCIAL MEDIA OBSESSED TEENAGER

  1. What the hell is wrong with you? Do you honestly think that boys HAVE to be gay to like youtubers? Are you fucking kidding me? You are so shallow it disgusts me.

    Like

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