A tribute to my favorite housewife: Camile Grammer

“I have this Jesus complex, I think,” Camille Grammer accurately stated in the first season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Anytime Camille was on screen, the other women were squirming. In season one, Camille was delightfully catty and bitchy. With her soft spoken voice and cutting remarks, no one could throw shade like Camille. Whether it was remembering that “the morally corrupt” Faye Resnick at the Dinner Party From Hell or in New York dragging Kyle Richards to FILTH, Camille stealthily stole the season.

And then she reinvented herself.

Kelsey Grammer, Camille’s claim to luxury, left her. Camille had to learn how to fend for herself and (gasp!) do some self-reflection. When she came back in season two, Camille made it a point to stay out of drama entirely. Her reinvention was as a demure, composed, and above everything housewife. Camille was always cool and collected–it’s how she won every fight in season one while Kyle continuously lost her shit–but in season two she became a lady of class and elegance.

Camille only lasted for two seasons, but in every episode that she returned, she would magically appear on-screen looking like a fifty million dollar goddess. Perhaps her greatest move was not overextending her welcome on the show. Unlike Kyle Richards or Lisa Vanderpump, Camille exited the show in enough time to leave a mark and make the fans miss her. Moving on meant Camille could devote more time to her philanthropy work as a National Chair for the Foundation For Women’s Cancer.

In retrospect, Camille brought the best drama, the best one-liners, and the best style to the show. Taylor Armstrong is a close second, but Camille has always been the standout winner in my book.

And so without any further explanation, here are five reasons Camille has always been AND ALWAYS WILL Be, the best housewife:

5. Her hair is literally to die for. It’s luminous, it’s blonde, it looks like actual money. rhobh-cam-judging

 

4. In season one, she employed a staff of desperate clingers who would grovel at her feet and pay her compliments on command. For example, when Kyle verbally attacked Camille in New York, Camille’s gay hair stylist told her, in paraphrased subtext,  “I was gay-bashed once, so I can relate to the horrible abuse you underwent last night.” Camille, pleased, then mentioned how jealous Kyle must be of her A-list husband and how tragic it is that Mauricio is only a reel-a-tor!

3. That time Camille threw the Dinner Party From Hell and managed to impress Lisa Vanderpump with her skills of making Kyle go COMPLETELY unhinged. As Kyle was screaming, it was as if Lisa was thinking, “This is profoundly grotesque, disgusting, and utterly entertaining. Well done, ladies! Well done.”

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2. Her dancing reminds me of a gay twink on acid or a drag queen really feeling herself while lip-synching Beyonce. Years later it is still sparking legions of gays to imitate her iconic hair flipping and body convulsing.

 

 

  1. She inspires all of us to dream bigger, think higher of ourselves, employ friends who are terrified of us but always agree with us and spend our ex-husband’s money like there’s no tomorrow. Sure, not all of us can marry a man as high profile as KELSEY FUCKING GRAMMER but many of us can still find inspiration in the true work Camille put in to become a housewife who finds herself after a painful divorce. After all, diamonds aren’t a girl’s best friend. Freedom is! Amen. camille-grammer-adrienne-maloof-taylor-armstrong-returning-real-housewives-of-beverly-hills-1
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