gus kenworthy,

Gays won the Olympics

In case you were wondering,  THE GAYS became America’s Sweetheart this year.

Maybe you – like me – were mildly horrified and embarrassed to learn that Adam Rippon is the first out skater to compete in the Olympics.  (I mean…did anyone not notice when Johnny Weir skated in full makeup to Lady Gaga’s Poker Face at a skate exhibition?!!) I certainly was and for a moment I really thought I had suffered a stroke. “There have really been no OUT GAY OLYMPIC SKATERS,” I thought to myself. I could feel sweat palpitating on my brow. But really, Adam Rippon joins a small club of out Olympic athletes.  Most notably he joins Gus Kenworthy, who might be the hottest athlete to ever compete and frankly will never have to worry if he doesn’t win a medal.

Both Adam and Gus competed this year. Both placed (mildly) horribly in their respective categories. But who gives a fuck! As Adam gamely said in an interview before his final skate, “I may not be the best skater, but I’m definitely the most fun.”  Gus in contrast may not be the best or funniest, but he makes up for it in being the hottest and surprisingly down to earth. Both know how to milk attention and controversy when they want it. Today, for instance, Gus tweeted a gnarly picture of his bruised thigh. “A peach hasn’t been this destroyed since Timothee Chalamet in Call Me By Your Name,” he captioned. This, ladies, is a thirst trap.  Executed perfectly by a white gay who knows better.  The Tweet stands at 27k ReTweets. Adam, too, knows how to garner attention. Whether he’s fighting with Mike Pence or Tweeting Britney Spears to tell her “I felt you on the ice with me today”, Adam is one interview away from an editorial position at Vulture. He’s smart, highly aware of his place in sports, and quick witted.

gus kenworthy, underwear, sexy, butt, olympics, bruise

But beyond the quips and overly gay pictures, perhaps what America loves most about these men is that they are so wholly themselves.  “I can’t tone it down,” Adam said recently.  “We’re here. We’re queer. Get used to it.” Gus Tweeted right before the beginning of the Olympics. And let’s not forget the adorable kiss Gus shared with his boyfriend ON TV FOR ALL OF MIDDLE AMERICA TO SEE after his competition. That’s America, bitches.

And even though neither gay will be walking away with a medal, Adam and Gus have gained something far more precious: the infamy and love of a country who notoriously hates everyone.  Until 2222 when everyone finds new gays to love, fellas!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s